Catching Up on Life and Death

Okay, I had forgotten this blog existed, but I think it's time for me to resurrect it. I need a place to think out loud. 

Let's catch up on some life events:

On December 2, 2018, my mom passed away from a combination of her dementia, her aortic stenosis, and a tumor (possibly cancerous) outside of her intestines. I held her hand and talked to her as she passed. I've been recuperating slowly. Grief is always around the corner in some way. 

In February 2019, my uncle passed away from pancreatic cancer that he didn't know he had. Grief is a shapeshifter that grows to encompass so much. 

Then in June of 2019, one of my cats died followed days later by my mom's last dog. Later that year, I lost another one of my cats--my last Oklahoma cat. Grief never really goes away, and it always seems to jump out of the shadows. 

January 2020, my uncle's younger brother (an extended family uncle) passed away also from pancreatic cancer that he'd been battling. Grief stands behind your shoulder. 

Then, of course, Spring 2020 brought COVID-19 and the pandemic. I thank heaven that no one I know has died from it, but it won't be long until it takes someone I care about. A brief reprieve from new grief. 

Then this summer a good friend messaged to tell me he had heart failure and didn't have long to live. Our message ended with him expressing acceptance, and with me offering help. He passed away at the end of August. Grief will bring it all back and punch you in the gut--I'm realizing you have to punch back.

Reading and writing are how I am going to punch back. Grief seems to have stolen my ability to focus for any length of time, but I am punching back by picking up this journal. I am also going to hit my pile of books. 

So I recently purchased two huge books The Tale of the Genji and The Shahnameh (the Persian book of kings), and our common reader this semester is Killers of the Flower Moon by David Grann. 

I also to kill time in my office started watching the Crash Course World History series on YouTube. I blame the two 1000 page books on that (not that I teach about those cultures or anything). 

So maybe, just maybe, these things will help me keep punching grief back into a place where I can operate with some peace and focus.