Summer project

 In an effort to be a better instructor and to model some writing, I am going to embark on a summer writing project. 

 In my Intro Philosophy course, I use a text called The Big Questions by Robert Solomon and Kathleen Higgins. 

The book focuses on Philosophy by topic, and the opening chapter is a list of 16 questions (based on famous Philosophical thought experiments). The rest of the chapters have opening and closing questions. My goal is to actually answer all of the questions. I have never done this, and I think by doing so, I will be showing my students how to write about Philosophy. Besides, I think it might be a bit fun. 

I'll post my answers here and share them out; I might as well use this blog for something useful. 

So Let's get started. The first question the text asks is:

Is there anything you would willingly die for? If so, what?

This question sounds deceptively easy. It's about the things we value in life and give meaning to our lives. As most of my students do, my answer is instinctive that I would die for the people I care about most, family. That seems too easy, and in many ways, it is. The answer itself raises the question of what is family? 

"Family" has never been a simple concept. The nuclear family of mom, dad, and children is after all a fairly recent concept, and extended and blended families have been around, well, since fairy tale days. These days, we often talk about the families we create for ourselves--our friends. Are these then also the people we would die for? I am afraid that is a question we may each have to answer for ourselves--but hopefully, none of us have to test our answers. 

Returning to myself, for most of my life if I said family, I mostly meant my mom and me. Yes, I have a larger family of cousins, whom I love, but for most of my life my family was centered on my mom, then it became my mom and my husband, and his mom and sister. Now, it's my husband and his sister and her fiance. Now, this core little group, these are the people for which I might unquestioningly sacrifice myself. 

For my extended and blended family, it's much more complicated. I love my cousins, in-laws, friends, and even students (college students). I would certainly try to help them if they were in danger, but I don't know if I would throw myself in front of a deadly gunshot for them. It's a question I have had to think about given the more dangerous side of our culture. And I don't know what I would do in that situation. I also hope never to be tested. 

Indeed, I hope never to have to be tested on this issue with my family. I want them all to be as safe and healthy as possible--but then, don't we all want that? 

So that's question 1-- it's a bit rough and perhaps, a lot less than perfect, but that is okay. 

We'll see what the next question brings another time. 

Rainy Days

     So, it's been one month since my last post. It hasn't been a good month or a bad month, just a bit busy. Today, thanks to Tropical storm Delta, is a day of 

    Work is busy, of course. I still have six classes, even if they are small. Small classes still take the same amount of prep and grading time. They are going fairly well--only one of my students has had to quarantine for coming into contact with COVID. After a freakout on learning the news, I have settled to realize things are ok.

    I am also taking an Online Best Teaching Practices course for Professional Development. I've taught online on and off since I've been employed by this college, but I never had any formal training. I seem to be doing a lot of things right, and I have to thank my experience of being an online graduate student for that. I gained a lot more than just my second Master's degree through the experience. I am also forcing myself to explore Blackboard (our Learning Management System), and I keep finding new things that I can use. 

    On the diabetic side of things, all seems well. If I behave myself, things go well, and if I don't, things don't go so well. I can at least be more aware of those self-sabotaging things that I do. 

    I don't have much else. I'm trying very hard to stay focused on the small things in my life and not the large and political ones. 

    I do want to mention that Louise Gluck won the Nobel Prize for Literature, and it was one of her poems that brought me back to fairy tales (and how I've taught my comp 2 class for a while now). So I am linking to "Gretel in Darkness". It's a haunting poem about the aftermath of fairy tales, the relationships and the traumas. I find it powerful.

    So, ta ta for now as Tigger says. 

On Being Diabetic

I've probably been a diagnosed diabetic for about fourteen years now. I always figured I would end up one since Type 2 seems to travel in my genetics. My dad was type 2, all of his siblings ended up diabetic, and a number of my cousins are as well. It really seems to be a family affair. 

One of the things about diabetes is that it changes over time, so the medicines change. As medicine progresses, they also change, and so do I. The bad thing about these changes in medicine is that a) they can be expensive and b) they can make you feel worse than ever!

Right now, I am in the process of adding a new medicine to my regime. In the last couple of years, I've changed insulin, switched from one drug in a group to another, and added this new one. Changing insulins was fun because until we got the dosage right, I was loopy as all heck. High blood sugars are not fun. Changing from Farxiga to Jardiance wasn't a problem except in trying to get it approved because my insurance added a pre-authorization just as I ran out, but the actual change in medicine was fine. Adding this new medicine though, this has been a doozy!

I mean it works. It has brought my sugars down, but it might work a bit too well. My doctor had me move onto it slowly, but hitting the highest dose--well, it made me feel awful. Headaches, exhausted, a messed up GI tract, and no appetite. Yikes. These also lead me to a couple of hours where my sugars were a bit too low. My CGM (constant glucose monitor) was giving me readings of 60, 55, and my actual prick-your-finger-and-feed-the-blood-into-the-monitor was saying 70. This was a bit concerning to someone who has never had a hypoglycemic event. We eventually got it up--yum PBJ, but my stomach was a wreck. In the meantime, I emailed my sugar numbers to my doctor, and I made a decision to stick to the middle dose for now because I don't feel like the crud off the bottom of your shoe and my sugars seem more stable. I'll wait to hear from my doctor as well about the higher dose. As you can guess, all of this is not really much fun. 

Hopefully, I settle into this medicine without any more stomach-churning adventures, at least until the next time I have to change medicines. But such is the life of a diabetic. 

Catching Up on Life and Death

Okay, I had forgotten this blog existed, but I think it's time for me to resurrect it. I need a place to think out loud. 

Let's catch up on some life events:

On December 2, 2018, my mom passed away from a combination of her dementia, her aortic stenosis, and a tumor (possibly cancerous) outside of her intestines. I held her hand and talked to her as she passed. I've been recuperating slowly. Grief is always around the corner in some way. 

In February 2019, my uncle passed away from pancreatic cancer that he didn't know he had. Grief is a shapeshifter that grows to encompass so much. 

Then in June of 2019, one of my cats died followed days later by my mom's last dog. Later that year, I lost another one of my cats--my last Oklahoma cat. Grief never really goes away, and it always seems to jump out of the shadows. 

January 2020, my uncle's younger brother (an extended family uncle) passed away also from pancreatic cancer that he'd been battling. Grief stands behind your shoulder. 

Then, of course, Spring 2020 brought COVID-19 and the pandemic. I thank heaven that no one I know has died from it, but it won't be long until it takes someone I care about. A brief reprieve from new grief. 

Then this summer a good friend messaged to tell me he had heart failure and didn't have long to live. Our message ended with him expressing acceptance, and with me offering help. He passed away at the end of August. Grief will bring it all back and punch you in the gut--I'm realizing you have to punch back.

Reading and writing are how I am going to punch back. Grief seems to have stolen my ability to focus for any length of time, but I am punching back by picking up this journal. I am also going to hit my pile of books. 

So I recently purchased two huge books The Tale of the Genji and The Shahnameh (the Persian book of kings), and our common reader this semester is Killers of the Flower Moon by David Grann. 

I also to kill time in my office started watching the Crash Course World History series on YouTube. I blame the two 1000 page books on that (not that I teach about those cultures or anything). 

So maybe, just maybe, these things will help me keep punching grief back into a place where I can operate with some peace and focus. 

Lent

I told a friend I was going to try to blog more for Lent because I wanted to be more positive for Lent than giving up something. Of course, we're 10 or so days into Lent, and I haven't blogged. I can make many excuses too busy, too sick, sick mother, sick cat, and all are true, but I just also haven't done so.

Part of that may be the tangled way I feel about Lent. As a lapsed Catholic, but practicing agnostic, I am always confused by how I feel about lent. If I don't believe then why am I atoning? If I do believe, why aren't I atoning? What am I atoning for? Having to answer these sorts of questions may be one reason I haven't sat down to write.

Another reason, procrastination. I am an awful procrastinator. Now I have been sick (right now my left ear is stopped up from allergies), but that doesn't mean I can't make the time. I just keep saying, "Later." THat's my problem with many things...I'll do it later...to do what, right now? I don't know, usually, it's not more than simply sit with family and chill out with tv, but that's really not a good excuse either since I have a laptop and a tablet.

Anyway, 10 days in, and I am going to try to write. It will do my soul and my mind good to get things off of it.

Dream

In 2015, I took a history class over the Civil Rights Movement. It was in many ways a great class. One of our assignments was to rework Martin Luther King Jr.'s "I Have a Dream Speech" for the present. I panicked a bit over that, but I am proud of the result, and on this weekend, I decided to post it.  Watching the protests today, I can see some hope for this dream, which was not found in yesterday's inaugural events. (Apologies on the works cited format being screwy.)

Rosary Fazende-Jones

Dr. XXXX

HIS 5031

My Dream:

Revisiting Civil Rights

            One hundred and fifty years ago, this nation ended a civil war fought to preserve a country and free a people. Ninety-five years ago, this nation ratified a Constitutional amendment giving women the right to vote. Fifty years ago, this nation passed laws to ensure equality for all citizens and residents. Many positive things have happened on the issue of human rights, but the work is not complete. People still suffer for their skin tones, for their genders, for their incomes, and for their loves, so we must push forward on human and civil rights, and not be lead backwards.

            Backward, sadly, seems to be the way that this nation is moving in 2015. This last year has been a year of violence, of protest, and of calls for change. We have seen too much violence toward people of all colors. We have seen unarmed black teenagers shot; we have seen too many mass shootings at churches, at schools, at colleges, and at universities. We have seen people beaten and shot at protests and rallies. We have seen too much violence. We must all together work to stop and solve these assaults on the most basic of American rights: “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness” (Declaration of Independence, US 1776).

            Since Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s powerful “I Have a Dream” speech of 1963, we have changed in positive ways, and yet we have remained the same in many ways. We have laws to protect voting rights, but we still see injustice at the voting booth. The American Civil Liberties Union relates that nineteen states have passed restrictions on voting rights in the last four years (“Voting Rights”). The Supreme Court has gutted the Voting Rights Act of 1965 allowing states to limit who votes (“Voting Rights"). We have come to respect diversity, but we still see religion used to justify bigotry, just as it was used to justify slavery. Bakers and court clerks try to cloak their prejudices behind religion (Helsel; Rede; Stone). We have more women in the workforce, but we still see women fighting to maintain their bodily dignity. Statistics show one in five college women are sexually assaulted (Wallace). Women’s reproductive health is constantly under assault as the recent attacks on Planned Parenthood illustrate. These are not the things of which Dr. King dreamed.

            Like Dr. King, I, too, have a dream. My dream is a simple one, but right now, it seems an impossible one. My dream is of an America where all people respect and honor each other’s rights and beliefs, an America where we respect each other’s views, and an America where we realize the power and value of cooperation. It is a dream of an America which, alas, does not currently exist.

            Instead, we watch as the female president of Planned Parenthood is grilled, belittled, insulted, interrupted, and talked over by Republican Congressmen as if she is undeserving of their respect because her views are not theirs (Peralta). We hear a presidential candidate insult the impoverished for wanting handouts (Flegenheimer). We hear another candidate insult and tarnish a religion practiced by millions of Americans (Bradner). We hear shouts, insults, lies. We no longer discuss things civilly. We do not hear respect for one another’s rights or views. If we are strongest when united, then we are currently quite weak.

            I dream of an America where all children are educated equally. I dream of an America where all children and adults have a truly equitable chance for fulfilling and successful futures. I wish the American dream were still a possibility for the majority of Americans and not just a select few. I wish for an America that recognizes poverty is not a sin and should not be a lifetime sentence.

            Sadly, the “separate, but equal days” of Plessy vs. Ferguson have not been wiped out. Miss Brown may have won her case against the Topeka Board of Education, but today we see segregation, if not by skin color, then by income level. Today, we have “No Child Left Behind” and the “Race to the Top.” However, too many children have been left behind on that race to the top because they are children of poverty, of color, and of differing abilities. Too many children have been taught to test, but not to learn and not to think. We no longer respect questioning and thinking. We instill conformity, not creativity.

            I dream of an America that accepts love in all its forms and respects a person’s identity unquestioningly. I dream of an America where religion in all its various shapes is respected, but also recognized as outside our government. I dream of an America that opens its collective heart to the plight of others, not one that shuts its wallet, closes its doors, and builds walls to keep those in need out.

            In short, I dream of an America that does not exist, perhaps it has never existed, but I wish we would all dare to have that same dream. Maybe together we will can work to make that dream America because it is worth working and striving for. Only then will we Americans, all of us, be “Free at last! Free at last! / Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!” (King).

Works Cited

Bradner, Eric. "Ben Carson Explains Concerns with a Muslim President.” CNN. Cable News

            Network. 27 Sept. 2015. Web. 2 Oct. 2015.

Declaration of Independence. National Archives and Records Administration. National

            Archives and Records Administration. Web. 2 Oct. 2015.

Flegenheimer, Matt. "Jeb Bush’s Remarks about Blacks Echo a Firestorm He Faced as

            Governor." The New York Times. The New York Times, 2 Oct. 2015. Web. 2 Oct. 2015.

Helsel, Phil. "Court Rules Baker Can't Cite Religion to Deny Cakes for Gay Couples." NBC News.

            13 Aug. 2015. Web. 2 Oct. 2015.

King Jr., Martin Luther. "I Have a Dream Speech." 28 August 1963. American Rhetoric: Top 100

            Speeches. Web. 2 Oct. 2015.

Peralta, Eyder. "6 Clips of Audio You Should Hear from The Planned Parenthood Hearing." NPR.

            NPR. 29 Sept. 2015. Web. 2 Oct. 2015.

Rede, George. "Sweet Cakes: Same-sex Discrimination Case Still Far from Settled despite Final

            Order against Oregon Bakery." Oregon Live/The Oregonian. Advance Digital, 7 July 2015.

            Web. 2 Oct. 2015

Stone, Geoffrey. "Kim Davis and the Freedom of Religion." The Huffington Post.

            TheHuffingtonPost.com. 2 Sept. 2015. Web. 2 Oct. 2015.

"Voting Rights." American Civil Liberties Union. American Civil Liberties Union and ACLU

            Foundation. Web. 2 Oct. 2015.

Wallace, Kelly. "Study: Nearly 20% of College Freshmen Victims of Rape." CNN. Cable News

            Network. 20 May 2015. Web. 2 Oct. 2015.

2016 in review

So it's December 31, 2016, and this year is ending. As years go, it hasn't been the best.

The list of deaths of influential people compiled by Wikipedia is overwhelming, especially when you realize that it is only to December there. We mourn celebrity deaths because these people touch our lives, but the grief of their families is no different than the grief of the families of the non-famous. The list on Wikipedia is small compared to the number of people whose deaths only affect their families and friends, but no less meaningful. My friends who have lost loved ones, I continue to send my love and support to you.

Politically, we have learned many things. One, we are a very fractured country; two, we have shapeless fears; and three, we value ignorance and our own views much more than we should. Our fault lines are multiple: we break on race, gender, education, location, and economic class. These breaks play into our fears; fearful people are easily manipulated, and our ignorance only makes us more fearful. Whether through school or not, we must educate ourselves back into a people who look at things objectively and then make decisions--we cannot let the Internet choose our news and our views. We must use it as the tool it is, and not allow our fractures to control our access to the world.

On a personal level, my mom now lives here and her dementia progresses as such things will. Hopefully, her medicines help slow things a bit; we also hope that our company and the company of others help slow things down as well. She lives in the here and now, and the very far past. It is very much a one day at a time thing.

I will admit my mother's dementia terrifies me. I fear for myself. My world revolves around words and memories and peoples. It terrifies me that this could happen to me. Not existing terrifies me, but existing but having those things that are vital to me missing scares me. I can only try to prevent this from happening and hope for something better.

Hoping for something better is one thing we can do, but we (or at least I) must also work to make things better. I will not lie and say I see a bright future politically, but I will do my best to work to keep things moving forward.

So its forward we must go and stay focused on going. Regression is not acceptable.

So here's to a better 2017 and a happy new year, and keep up the good fight!